Forgiveness

I met a cereal killer this day.

As I drove to the nursing home and while listening to Queen song playing on the radio "Another one bites the dust" and I thought to myself would she be awake? What kind of setting would there be for a women you've known for most of your life who is now dieing of brain cancer, walking into a place that you know is for the dieing, the fresh clean smell and smell death, a cocktail mixture of sorts, ya know the many of cocktails that make you vomit after you had to many, the loss of hair, the dry mouth, the skin color change, the weight loss that you've tried several diets that never worked and now wa-la you've lost that 35 pounds! The baggage just melted off without even trying, what am I to do now with my now fined cocktailed body of chemicals?  The party of the hangover that lasted for years, hell I beat it once, i can do it again!!!!!  You lived your whole life to die to have a hangover of that cocktail of Cancer and life!  Fair, not fair, what the hell is fair anyways?

I turned off my car and the sun was shinning and a warm breeze moved over the green grass that hadn't been cut and the affect of the soft wind that went from lite light green to a deeper green rolling across the grass and the dirt underneath obeying nature.

I started to get nervous as I walked up to the two sided class doors of La Rays Nursing Home and got that sick feeling of what would be right around the corner and as I walked up to the help desk Could you please give me Roses room #?  Thank You.

Now for the one on one time with a women I loved half my life who is now dieing of brain cancer, things weren't quite the same as I believe weather came and a cloud of gray lingered for years.  When you love someone who is dieing and you just want to say the right words and you cannot understand why the people around you don't understand me saying she was the strongest women I knew and then belittle me for saying so with the never ending gray cloud that kept on keeping on.  What do you do? Well you keep keeping on, you overlook the over lock keepers and to be brave for the one your about to have the one on one talk with before Jesus calls you to home.

Dieing of Brain Cancer that traveled the universe from your breast to your brain without any gas stops, never ending traveler you might say that has taken miles of miles of the longest roads ever known to mankind. This time the traveler didn't even have to get directions, there was only one direction from one destination to destination straight away, there wasn't any weaves, hills just downhill ride. 

Hello Rose how are you feeling, no response, can i get you anything? what kind of flowers are those? they are really beautiful, "those are Azaleas" I am looking around the room and the cleaned laundered scent of a room with a person who I no longer know.  I love you Rose and I kissed her hand and sat quietly. Not many words.

Knock Knock breakfast time as a female came in to the room to give Rose her breakfast, dried rice crispy cereal?!. No Milk? Nope! How the hell am I going to feed her dried rice krispy cereal? I tell the female my dad is not going to like this. How do you feed a person with dry mouth spoonfuls of dried rice krispy cereal? You don't! They don't eat breakfast. Cruel?  Miss smarty pants that just left the room couldn't have given a shit! Where was the compassion on Rose dieing? There wasn't any from what I just had witnessed, why are people so cruel to the ones we love? Why do we have to watch our loved ones suffer and also have a cloud of cruelty? I met a cereal killer that day.  Fair, not fair, what the hell is fair anyways?

How do you cope with cruelty, grieving and a wide range of emotions when you cannot understand why another human being is not so human after all! Forgiveness? yeah right ok what ever the hell you say! Everything is a standstill, what in the heavens just happened? What is wrong here? Where did kindness, compassion and love for one another go?  This is one of the stressor you get when gaslighting happens, mis-information that did occur even on a death bed. 

Jesus Christ is all merciful and in his time will give you what you need as he gave to me to share with all of you.  As I had written prior that I didn't open the bible before my poems were written I leave you with this poem and My step mother is buried on Grant Ave laid to rest next to my father and hasn't had grass on her grave in 9 years, only Ant hills. Forgiving Cruelty or what ever you might be going through,  As you look to forgive, ask Jesus Christ to Bestow Forgiveness so you can bestow forgiveness to one another.  Im still trying.

Psalm 103:3 King James Version (KJV) to read the entire Psalm scroll down. 

3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
Click Here to read King James Version (KJV) on Forgive

Forgiveness

Forgiveness she tried to but failed.

Let me out of this bitterness this coldness bestow upon her - yet by another.

She sat their and pondered would the love in her heart be enough to sustain her.

Forgiveness she cried, I wanted. Not able to forgive one another- yet bestowed by another.

God grant me forgiveness So I can bestow another.

Psalm 103 King James Version (KJV)

103 Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;

4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6 The Lord executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.

7 He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto the children of Israel.

8 The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.

9 He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever.

10 He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

11 For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.

12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

13 Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him.

14 For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.

16 For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.

17 But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children;

18 To such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them.

19 The Lord hath prepared his throne in the heavens; and his kingdom ruleth over all.

20 Bless the Lord, ye his angels, that excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word.

21 Bless ye the Lord, all ye his hosts; ye ministers of his, that do his pleasure.

22 Bless the Lord, all his works in all places of his dominion: bless the Lord, O my soul.